Just when you thought I might not ruffle some feathers 🪶 yep this is a big one ☝🏽 and it’s one we need to talk about because it has happened so often in different faucets of everyone’s life. I was recently in a situation where a guy I was dating was a huge liar and the funny part is me and the other woman ended up becoming friends once we found out about each other. The biggest thing for me with meeting her and becoming her friend made me realize how much we as woman accept the bare minimum and we also think that the guy who is a liar and a cheat is going to change for us at some point ,because we are so nice and loving. I realized how many of us will say things like he was working and paying the bills I was so proud of him. Why are we so proud of bare minimum behavior??
Most men I know are paying the bills because they just want to do that, they feel it is a part of their duties as a man. However, if a guy comes along who is always looking for just sex and a good time and let’s be clear I am not opposed to having a good time but I am opposed to what I call Bare Minimum behavior and habits, aka a lack of maturity in relationships. There is something about a man who consistently mistreats a woman that makes me feel like he enjoys wasting his own time ( not just that woman's time ) which is why he does not have his life together. A man who can sit around and juggle several women and make up stories and lies that are not true instead of making business moves or setting up his life for success and mapping out his and his children's future is giving bare minimum behavior. I know men like this and of course there are men who actually have things together but still choose to give bare minimum. It is because I wasted time with men like this for so long.. It’s all apart of what I call accepting the bare minimum. Yep so Im hear to say I accepted it longer than I should have and I am writing this to hopefully stop people from accepting it for their own life.
The thing about the bare minimum is that it is sooo much time wasted on someone who doesn't even understand what they are supposed be doing in a relationship let alone they dont even understand who they are or have even learned the basic essentials of their role in a relationship. It’s also selfish behavior on so many levels. But I promise you not knowing yourself if the biggest downfall when it comes to someone who only produces bare minimum in a relationship. Because when you know yourself you love yourself . That’s one of the biggest ways to stop the bare minimum as much as possible from entering your life .
I want to be clear that it’s not just men who are out here giving bare minimum to women but women are giving it men. It’s a two way street. Women sometimes do not have their shit together but they want to talk about what a man needs to be doing. Bare minimum is simply a hard lack of awareness within yourself. However, some people really think they are doing the damn thing or they are doing so much for someone. People will have a half ass effort that was applauded by their last relationships so now you look like you are doing too much because they are not even close to normal standards of meeting someone half way or just normal standard things like communicating or showing up when you say you will, or paying the bills that need to be paid or having hard conversations. But when you are self aware you realize when you are not doing enough.
So I’m not saying by any means life will be perfect when you stop accepting bare minimum and sometimes you want to let people slide because we want to feel accepted or just be cool.
But trying to be cool by letting someone waste 10 years of precious time that has to stop. I thank God everyday that I woke up . If you know anybody sleep walking through their life and relationships send them here because sometimes when you never know you can’t do better . Also , some people just never actually look to do better they simply accept whatever they have been told look up at 35 or 49 and say why is my life like this . Been there done that and believe me wish I could say I never been there because struggling to find yourself is not easy . Life is literally unlearn and relearn . Simple thoughts I had to say out loud .
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